June 23, 2021

Today I surfed around and read some of the assumptions people are making about what I was trying to get from John when I sent him the texts he used to try to discredit me in his response to my Human Rights Commission charge.  These are the same texts the OSF would have drawn attention to on the Mormonism Live program they used to try to harm me by using my real name. 

I can’t remember exactly what those texts are, I don’t read through old written conversations between me and John because they make me cringe, and I certainly am not watching programming about me.

But I do remember the moment in which the texts were written.  

Let me give you some context:

During June and July of 2012, John and I spent a lot of time on the phone discussing how to move forward under the circumstances. Our many discussions certainly weren’t a time of me attempting to speak to him sexually to get something out of him — anything… including protection from retaliation… despite how the cherry-picked texts may be interpreted by outsiders.

That wasn’t me. It wasn’t the way I had behaved in the relationship and I’m angry that John would take something so brief that was not at all representative of me and try to sell it to the public in an effort to paint a broad brush about our relationship, discredit me, and protect himself.

That said, I do remember at one moment sitting on my bed (in tears as it was a very distressing period of my life) and texting something to him that felt sentimental and that, if taken literally and out of context, was more forward than was characteristic of me. I was very confused and scared in that moment. It was a heavy, sad, worried moment of sentimentality.  

A lot is lost in text taken out of context. If I’m not mistaken, John and I had just gotten off the phone and my texts were a continuation of a much bigger sentimental conversation in which I was processing losses. 

I remember wondering, right after sending the texts, if John would use them against me. It was a frightening moment. I knew he wasn’t trustworthy and I wondered how much harm he might try to inflict upon me.   

And my worries were not misguided. John did use the the texts against me. He worked very hard to get them and then he used them to harm me in every way he could. I wouldn’t be surprised if those texts were the prize he had been working to get from me for a very long time and if, as soon as he had them, he felt safe taking further premeditated steps against me. 

His use of cherry-picked texts to make false points and discredit me demands the release of the full record. More documents are coming soon.  

All John ever would have had to do to avoid all this was treat me fairly and respectfully.  I have never had a desire to be in this position and am not incentivized by a desire to hurt him. That is not me… and this is no longer about him. He’s pushed his deceit too far.